How Honest Would You Be?

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My grandma is visiting us, so she paid for a takeout so we could all eat together. I went to pick it up. The total came to $65 and change. I give the guy $70 and he hands me back $15. I tell him he gave me too much, and he looks at me uncomprehendingly. I explain the math to him, that $70 – $15 = $55 not $65 and hand him back $10.

The annoying thing is that’s the second time this month that’s happened at a takeout place. My brother was basically livid that I didn’t just keep the money, saying its not stealing if he makes the mistake, but I dont think I’d feel right keeping the money just because he’s bad at math. I’m just mad because both times it was a frum person, who I’d expect to have some knowledge of basic arithmetic. (Well the first guy was a chossid, so maybe not.)

What would you have done? By the way, the guy at the counter was the owner, not just an hourly worker. I hope he doesn’t do his own books.

The one thing I’m really upset about is that I didn’t get a thank you either time, they just took the money back from me. That’s upsetting.

Negiah And Tefillin Dates

Seems there’s been a decent amount of discussion in the JBlogosphere lately about shomer negiah and tefillin dates and stuff. My own opinion on the subject is simply to be 100% shomer. Honestly, its the one thing I’ve always been strict on myself about, mainly because most aveiros that people do are personal things, basically things that are between them and G-d, but whether or not you were shomer can have far reaching consequences when you get married and stuff, especially for girls. I’ve always known that I wanted sex, the ultimate expression of intimacy, to be only between me and my wife. I didn’t want a history, a list of previous partners, a “where did you learn that!” kind of thing. Its also a constant practice in self-control for me. If I can control myself from the most difficult to resist thing, it gives me the knowledge I can control myself given far easier things, like being lax on kashrus and stuff.

I’m not judging those who aren’t shomer, I believe to each his own. But what I don’t really get is the people who are shomer, but only up to the point of not going all the way. All that does is create a constant anticipation, a “so close but so far” kind of thing. In a shomer relationship, you know that whats off bounds is off bounds. If you don’t cross that first line, you don’t risk crossing any others. Its difficult, of course, but not the same as allowing yourself to get to that certain point then stopping. And its amazing to me how far people will go without doing it. Like sharing the same bed, but only sleeping. I’m sure its nice, but at some point that’s gotta be torture for the guy.

I’d say my view was reinforced by two things. When I worked at a Pesach hotel in Miami way back when, probably 9th or 10th grade, and I had the chance to but didn’t, that was kind of the ultimate thing. (Everyone else pretty much spent the entire ten days hooking up.) And it was pretty much solidified in first year Beis Medrash when I was older and wiser. My chavrusa was a 24 year old who had gone off the derech and come back on in the past year. He was engaged, and he was tortured by whether or not he should tell his kallah (who was always frum) about his previous sexual partners. Seriously, it was tearing him apart. I knew I didn’t want to be in his shoes.

Its only in the past few years that I learned that even among my frum friends, my strict shomer policy put me in the minority. At some point you begin doubting yourself about whether you’ve just been naive. As someone put it to me, “do I really think that these days I can find a frum girl who’s not crossed any of the lines?”. He didn’t say it quite like that though (I try and keep this blog PG). I hope I can.

(To clarify, when I say lines, I’m not talking about hand holding or something minor and stupid like that.)

(Wow, this post is a downer, isn’t it?)

Its How You Look At It

The toilet was blocked up, so I went to the plumbing supply store to get a plunger. I got the latest model, which looks like a toy. I remember when plungers were simple things, a wooden handle with a rubber end. This contraption is made of plastic with a long wide ridged lower half. In hot red. At least its an attractive toilet unblocker.

My brother asked why I went and bought a plunger instead of just borrowing one from a cousin or neighbor. I couldn’t believe he was asking me that seriously. Then I understood, its how you look at it. See, to him its just like borrowing anything else. To me it sounds like I’m going to my cousin and saying this: “Hi, I’ve taken a massive, massive crap. So massive, my toilet can’t handle all of it at once, so its all blocked up. And I was thinking, you seem like the type of person who also takes craps of the magnitude that a common toilet can’t handle. Therefore you must have a device to unblock the toilet for when you’ve taken those massive craps. Can I borrow it?”

And I’m just not willing to suggest that to anyone I know.

Anyone See That CBS Report?

CBS did a report on people in the Chassidic communities who cheat on their wives and husbands. I didn’t see the broadcast, but I read the summary on their website: http://wcbstv.com/seenat11/hasidic.jews.extramarital.2.873251.html

Now its difficult for me, when reading about a topic so serious, to find something in the article so hilarious. This quote pretty much sent me into fits:

“I know of swingers in the ultra orthodox community, which shocked me to hear it … just the way it would shock anybody else,” said “Yossi” of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

Yossi said he knows adultery is taking place because he said he had affairs with several Hasidic women.

That might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen or read from a serious news story. How far can this kind of cognitive dissonance go in news stories?

“Yes, I heard about the shootings. Its was terrible, I couldn’t believe it.” Says Mr Tom Buckley. Mr Buckley then proceeded to continue firing into the crowded mall.

“And the top story today, it seems Laura Bush, the First Lady of the United States has been having an affair. We go now to George Cooper at the White House. George?” “Hi, I’m George Cooper. As I found out last night, the First Lady is indeed having an affair. The affair began when I snuck into the side window of the Lincoln Bedroom late last night…”

Analysis Based On My Blog

Typealyzer.com is a program that analyzes writing and tries to come up with a profile of the person behind it. Here’s what it said about me:

The analysis indicates that the author of https://frumpunk.wordpress.com is of the type:

ISFP – The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

Analysis

This show what parts of the brain that were dominant during writing.

Click For Fullsize

I Need A Shidduch

Oy, so I heard about this internet thing, and how some people are finding their zvigum through it? I have a friend who seems to know about this stuff, so I’ve asked him to post it for me on this internet thing. This was transcribed only while I was on the toilet so as not to chas v’shalom be bittul toyrah.

So where to begin? My name is Yaakov Chofetz Chaim Shmuelovitz-Feinstein. I’m twenty two years old bli ayin horah, and currently giving shiur in Lakewood. I previously learned in Mir Yerushalayim and Ponevitz, until my Rebbeim insisted there was nothing more they could teach me. My yichus includes Rashi, Tosefos, Rav Boruch Ber, The Baal Shem Tov, Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rav Henoch Leibowitz and the Lubavitcher Rebbe, just to name a few. I spend all my waking hours indoors learning, I can’t even step out for lunch because of bittul toyrah, and also because if I go outside I begin being hounded by modeling agencies begging me to consider being the face of some fashion label or other. My father gives a mesechta yomi shiur, and when he’s not doing that, he’s writing checks to tzedokah out of his vast fortune. I don’t know much about my mother, as I hold its untzniyos to know of females once you are weaned from wetting the bed, rochmona letzon, but I’m told she makes the best choolant in Kew Garden Hills, doesn’t hold by plastic table covers, and wears slip on shoes. She also organizes the annual sheiytal burning.

Now people have asked me what I’m looking for in a shidduch? Its not that important. I’ll be learning all day, so she’ll have to be content with shopping most of the time to keep her occupied, I suppose. Beyond that I don’t have any sort of requirements, if she can do that she’ll do just fine. So nu, internet people? Can you maybe do a suggestion?

(Note: Spur of the moment, inspired by the last part of this post.)

Hair Free, Care Free

There comes a time in a mans life when you realize that some things can’t last forever. I’m looking at my friends and relatives at my age and older and some of them have begun to be deserted hair-wise. I always knew that some people go bald, but a friend I met in New York last August really drove the point home, especially as he happens to be a year younger than me, yet he’s follically deserted beyond his age.

Most people have heard the adage that your hair will take after your mothers father. This isn’t true. I’ve put in a bit of amateur study into genetics and I’ve confirmed it simply depends on the genes you inherit, and those can be from either side. Which is good news for me, as I appear to take after my fathers father, who never seemed to have gone bald, although he died in his sixties, so who knows? My dad is 52 and has only just begun to bald a little at the front. All my cousins on my moms side do seem to have taken after grandad, as they all seem follically challenged by their mid-twenties.

All of this has given me a new-found appreciation for hair. Despite the fact that it seems we’ll be together for many decades to come (unless I just gave myself an ayin hara by writing this) I’ve decided to get to know my hair a little bit better. Hence I haven’t had a haircut since August, much to my mothers chagrin. Right now its just about falling over my eyes (although I tend to keep it brushed up and to the side for convenience).

Now here’s the rant bit: why is it so hard for people to understand I’m not trying to rebel or get attention? I can understand why people would think that about a fifteen year old in yeshiva high school, but I’m a semi-grown, semi-functioning adult. I simply like it. I simply want to see the end result. When did long hair become the anti-thesis of frum? Haven’t these people ever learned the gemorah of our long-haired predecessors, for example, the talmud who would pin his ponytail to the wall so that he could learn all night, and if he started to fall asleep his hair would pull him back and the pain would wake him up? Do you think he was kicked out of the Beis Medrash for looking like a bum?

Sheesh.

My Growing Blog

Not to brag, but for the second time so far I’ve made WordPresses ‘Blogs of the Day’ under the ‘Growing Blogs’ section. And this time I’m at 32.

Cool.

http://botd.wordpress.com/2008/11/17/growing-blogs-934/

Edit: Have you noticed the related links below are all other blogs celebrating the same thing?

Baracknophobia

I have to issue an apology. Looks like everyone was right, when they compared Obama to Hitler. I’d especially like to apologize to VIN commentators for having doubted so many of you.

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Geriatriclly Speaking

Oh G-D. I’m old. Its official, I’m one step removed from shaking my cane at those damn kids with their skateboards.

I came home as my sister was on her way out. I asked her where she’s going, she says to a concert. I asked her who it was, and she said something that sounded like “Tire Fire”. I go, “who’s that, a rapper?”

And then I have an out-of-body experience. I suddenly hear what I just said, and the way I said it, as a bystander. And I sound like my mom. I’m only 23, and I have absolutely no idea what the kids are listening to. I mean, I’ve never liked what the kids were listening to, even when I was one of the kids. I was aware that everyone liked Linkin Park and DMX and Limp Bizkit, even while I smugly listened to Sonic Youth, but now I’m not the kid with a better taste in music, I’m the old guy who’s just arrogant about what he listens to with only a vague idea of whats even popular. I mean, I know new bands, but I don’t know whats popular. I like MGMT, but I’ve no idea what vacant poptart the teenagers are going crazy over these days, or what corporate mainstream rock band the kids are banging their heads to, thinking its the coolest thing since, I dunno, Nickelback.

By the way, a bit of Googling reveals she’s gone to see Taio Cruz. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taio_Cruz

Someone get me a wheelchair and an iTunes playlist.