Kids are awesome, aren’t they? They start off plump and cuddly then segue into something cute and constantly learning for the next decade or so. I don’t have kids, but I’m the second oldest of a family of seven, so for those of you in a similar position, you know what I mean when you refer to siblings from a somewhat parental viewpoint. But the kids get back at you, don’t they? They manage to end up as anthropomorphic adults of a sort, only stupider and with more acne. It’s a terrible thing and I don’t know why they do it. Spite, I guess, from being pushed around and told to go to bed at six when its still sunny. Because when you tell a child to go to bed, what he hears is “lie down in a dark room and don’t move for ten hours”. A few years of that can build up a decent amount of resentment in anyone.
So going to my original point, that being teenagers. It’s a good name for a band but a terrible period in life, at least at the start. It gets cool by the time you’re around seventeen, but then you’re a “young adult” so it doesn’t count anyway. My youngest sibling is now eleven and I’ve three siblings at various stages of teenagerhood. I say various stages, but they’re all equally annoying. It’s a sad thing for me that I’ll officially never have little siblings again. Sadder even for my mother, which might explain why she points out every passing female under thirty and unringed to me.
My parents have been ill for a couple of days, and that meant the job of driver fell to me. School drop-offs and pickups. Appointments and all that fun stuff. Basically spending hours a day in a car driving teenagers. And I don’t like it. I don’t understand teenagers, probably because I never was a teenager. I don’t mean that in the Matilda sense (“I hate children. Glad I never was one.”) but the realistic sense. I did pass through the ages of thirteen to twenty and made it out alive and relatively unscathed, but I wasn’t a teenager like they are today. It’s not just my siblings, all teenagers today are rotten little things. The internet has ruined them. We never had MySpace or Facebook, hence we didn’t devote an amazing amount of time to taking pictures of ourselves to post. We had AIM, MSN and the AOL Jewish Chat Room (good memories, “a/s/l”…) but it’s not the same. We weren’t image obsessed, the opposite, we were anti-image. If you wanted to look cool you had to bloody work at it, not just pop into Hot Topic or a website. I think Hot Topic was open when I was in high school, but it wasn’t the same anyways. Noone went there. And have you heard the music they listen to? It’s this vapid inane crud, with lyrics as deep as an Arkansas outhouse circa 1870. I listened to a lot of Smashing Pumpkins in high school, our music had heart. And even the inane crud of my day was relatively harmless, Backstreet Boys, Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray and all that. Now even the tween pop songs have lyrics that would be banned by Justice Potter Stewart back in 1964. And one last thing on music, the kids have it too easy. Back in my day, if you wanted an album you went out and bought it. Sure, you could download it. Over a 33.6kbps modem. Napster. And one song at a time. Now the kids can steal a whole album in the time it takes me to get out of bed in the morning. And CD’s. We lugged around our CD players and these massive CD cases. You had to if you were going somewhere and wanted a variety of music. Now these brats have more albums than Best Buy in a player the size of Kevin Federlines brain. We had iPods. sure. 5GB if you wanted. You just needed a Mac and $400 or so. Now the most expensive one is 160GB for $250. And I thought things got more expensive in time.
I’m sorry, I’ve gone completely off topic. I left my siblings behind ages ago and just went on a bitter screed about the youth of today, didn’t I? My point is that I was never a teenager, not like today. I wasn’t annoying, rude or demanding. I went through my teenage years with headphones in one hand and a gemorah in the other. I had my balance, never felt the need to lash out at authority figure for negative attention. Not much anyway. I don’t know, the kids aren’t alright.
Disclaimer: Post written at 2.15am. May not be coherent or worthy of posting. Apologies if my suspicions are correct and I’m just overtired.