Archive for November, 2008

My Growing Blog

Posted in blogs, Me on November 18, 2008 by frumpunk

Not to brag, but for the second time so far I’ve made WordPresses ‘Blogs of the Day’ under the ‘Growing Blogs’ section. And this time I’m at 32.

Cool.

http://botd.wordpress.com/2008/11/17/growing-blogs-934/

Edit: Have you noticed the related links below are all other blogs celebrating the same thing?

Baracknophobia

Posted in Politics on November 17, 2008 by frumpunk

I have to issue an apology. Looks like everyone was right, when they compared Obama to Hitler. I’d especially like to apologize to VIN commentators for having doubted so many of you.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about "Baracknophobia", posted with vodpod

Geriatriclly Speaking

Posted in Me, Music on November 16, 2008 by frumpunk

Oh G-D. I’m old. Its official, I’m one step removed from shaking my cane at those damn kids with their skateboards.

I came home as my sister was on her way out. I asked her where she’s going, she says to a concert. I asked her who it was, and she said something that sounded like “Tire Fire”. I go, “who’s that, a rapper?”

And then I have an out-of-body experience. I suddenly hear what I just said, and the way I said it, as a bystander. And I sound like my mom. I’m only 23, and I have absolutely no idea what the kids are listening to. I mean, I’ve never liked what the kids were listening to, even when I was one of the kids. I was aware that everyone liked Linkin Park and DMX and Limp Bizkit, even while I smugly listened to Sonic Youth, but now I’m not the kid with a better taste in music, I’m the old guy who’s just arrogant about what he listens to with only a vague idea of whats even popular. I mean, I know new bands, but I don’t know whats popular. I like MGMT, but I’ve no idea what vacant poptart the teenagers are going crazy over these days, or what corporate mainstream rock band the kids are banging their heads to, thinking its the coolest thing since, I dunno, Nickelback.

By the way, a bit of Googling reveals she’s gone to see Taio Cruz. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taio_Cruz

Someone get me a wheelchair and an iTunes playlist.

The New Shidduch Crisis

Posted in Funny?, Rants, Shidduchim on November 12, 2008 by frumpunk

There’s a crisis in our community that the liberal mainstream media is choosing to ignore in favor of their own crises. But this is too serious an issue for me to ignore, especially as I and many people my age have been deeply affected by it.

I’m talking about the problem of people getting engaged, or worse, dating seriously. All of a sudden they’re pulling disappearing acts, they’re sneaking around, their phones are off. Its a friends worse nightmare. When these symptoms appear, you know your friend is lost to you, he’s either been claimed by drugs or a fiancée, and there’s not much difference between them. They’re both addictions. Both often coincide with physical symptoms such as sudden weight loss and dazed expressions. Both involve massive amounts of money suddenly being spent on this new habit. School and work are often affected. Both are seen as psychological addictions. Biologically there’s no change, but something mental keeps them trapped.

Its the friends who suffer most. The victim will go to great lengths to hide what they’ve been up to. Rarely will you hear someone talk about the person they’re dating openly with friends, much as few drug addicts are open about their drug use. You call them up to see if they’re free to go bowling or something, but they have plans, and they can’t say what or with who.

Up until now I’ve been discussing the symptoms of the seriously dating friend. But far more serious is the mental state of the engaged friend. You think you know someone. You think he’s a calm, rational person. But the day his Facebook relationship status changes, you know he’s lost forever. He becomes an imbecile, his mind withered away by his fiancee addiction. Suddenly he’s typing like a fifteen year old schoolgirl talking about the Jonas Brothers concert she went to. His Facebook statuses announce things like “is going to the park for the day with his beautiful fiancee!!!” He’s not only suckered in, but he’s bragging about it, as if trying to fool himself that he’s not only alright, but he’s actually better off than he was before! Any drug counselor can tell you that these are classic signs of addiction, the self delusion and the reduced mental capacity. Suddenly all he can talk about are things like flowers, bands, wedding halls. These are not signs of a healthy mind, my friends.

There’s a certain emptiness. A void, where he’s pushing away lifelong friends in favor of his new habit.

Rabbosai, all I can say is that I feel the Gedolai Yisroel should issue something, anything to combat this problem. I know I’m not the only one affected, not the only one who’s seen friends, people you thought you knew, disappear before your eyes.

Rachmano Leitzon.

I Want That One

Posted in Me on November 11, 2008 by frumpunk

Its what you dread. I’m trapped in a store with my mother, who has taken it upon herself to buy me new bedding. I’m not sure why, my Mr Men bedding has served me well for the past eighteen years or so, but with some muttered comments about age appropriateness, we find ourselves here.

“So which ones do you like?”
“I don’t know.” “This one?”
“No, that’s the wrong size. You need a twin and that’s a king.”
“Why is it called a twin? Shouldn’t it be called a single?”

She’s asking me to make bedding choices. I’m trying to explain that I have absolutely no opinion on what my bedding looks like. I don’t even know how to have an opinion on bedding. The way I see it, if its comfortable its fine.

I spy a possible escape. The clearance section. I sneak over and find the motherlode: A bag with a full bedding set inside, in the right size and best of all, half price! I hope that I can get her with the price. If she agrees on this, we don’t have to get anything else, because everythings in the bag. Its almost too good to be true. I calmly walk over to her holding it and say, how about this one? She glances at it, and dashes my hopes for a saved afternoon. “No, that’s not enough tog. You wont be warm enough.”

I run through the possibilities in my head. She’ll want to buy me at least two pillowcases, a quilt cover, a sheet, maybe one of those stupid thing that go under the sheet to hide the bed gap… we could be here for months. And she’ll want my opinion on each item to see if I like it, as I’ve failed to make her understand that I don’t even see most of these things as necessary, and I don’t really understand what the other stuff does.

I give up. When she’s not looking I sneak over to the electronics section.

So You Wanna Be A J-Blogger?

Posted in blogs, Frum, Funny?, Shidduchim on November 6, 2008 by frumpunk

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about how much time you spend reading blogs. And you come to the conclusion that that time could be put to better use. You’re thinking “I can do that. Doesn’t look so hard.” Instead of reading blogs, I could be writing a blog. (Obviously while reading other blogs. While reading mine you’re simply enthralled by my almost perfect blend of literacy, wit and humility. Staring into my brilliance with an equal mix of awe, envy and lust.) You’re jealous of the power an internationally renowned blogger like moi has. The screaming crowds greeting you at every airport, as you travel the world, premium economy class. And you want a piece of that for yourself. Or you’re just bored and want some attention. Either way.

Firstly, you must pick a topic. For example, if you’re a single female between the ages of 17 and 40 you should probably write an endless series of posts about how you’re still single and shidduchim suck. A pink theme and background is also a must-have, unless you’re edgy and depressed, in which case black is fine.

Are you married? In that case you must write about things like wife and kid events, as well as neighborhood stuff like shuls and shopping. You’re married, thats as edgy as you’re allowed to get. Don’t forget to compare shuls and shopping locations, especially if you live in Brooklyn, Lakewood or Monsey. (And complain about Brooklyn/Lakewood/Monsey.)

Ex-Yeshiva guy? You’ll want to show how ironic and sardonic you can be. Don’t forget to drop in some learning and chizuk to show you still got it.

Grew up orthodox and questioning your beliefs? You’re in excellent company my friend. Your first objective is to add all the doubter blogs to your blogroll. Then reiterate the points they’ve all made in your own words and with your own life experiences. Bonus points if you can come up with an original catchy nickname, as all the good ones have probably been taken. And of course, a chocolate chip cookie if you’re (ex) Chassidish.

Are you American who has made aliyah? Dude! You must write about Israel and what you’re doing day to day. You’ll want to compare things to America and talk about how much more spiritual you are now. Its also a great opportunity to take an interest in world events and affairs, but only from your new-found ultra right wing Zionist point of view. Combo breaker if you can find new ways to imply Barack Obama is the black Hitler. Don’t forget to write a light hearted post every once in a while about food, what you ate and where. And how awesome it is.

Are you in college? Secular college? (Secular college here is defined as not being a part of Touro.) Well then my friend, you’ve just got a new post every day about how strange your world has become. You have stepped out from the ghetto and seen the light of a college classroom filled with secular Jews, and possibly even some non-Jews! Award yourself a thousand point if you make a Muslim friend. Two thousand if you make a black friend. Is this friend a black Muslim? Then you’ve just won the game with an unbeatable combo. Thanks for playing.

Above all, you must follow blog etiquette. This means common courtesy. If someone blogrolls you, you blogroll them. Comment on posts you find interesting. This not only is nice for the blogger, but raises awareness of the blogee (you). And lastly, recognize the humor inherent in certain posts and don’t get mad. I never thought I would have to say that, but I learned the hard way in the early days of this blog that I often have to pre-specify when I’m kidding.

As Expected

Posted in Politics on November 5, 2008 by frumpunk

Now that Obama has been declared the winner by VIN (The News You Can Trust) I’m sitting back and enjoying the comments. As expected, I’m not disappointed.

http://www.vosizneias.com/22108/2008/11/04/president-elect-obama/#comments

Rabosai, everyone should make sure they have an updated passport and I think tomorrow should a Yom Tefilah and maybe even a fast day. This is very, very scary and no one should take it lightly.

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Oy Vey! The holocaust is coming!!!!!!!

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A passport? Where exactly are you going to? With Obama there wont even be an Israel to go to.

And so on… This is seriously entertaining. Also, the person on Facebook who noted in his status that Obama will be bringing Sharia Law to America. Yes, absolutely. Now the mask will fall to reveal… Bin Ladin!?

Update:

this shows the yad hashem, that 7 years after 9/11, we’d have a president named hussein obama, an arab.

Now, for reference. An Arab is a person of Middle-Eastern extraction. Obama, being half Kenyan is half African, not Arab. You seem to be using Arab as an interchangeable term for Muslim. A Muslim is a person who follows the religion of Islam. Obama is neither.

Thank you, and goodnight.