Allegations Worry Community

Kiryas Yoel – This sleepy little town of several hundred has been rocked lately by allegations that it may in fact be part of the United States of America, an autonomous community of six hundred million that it has long bordered.

This has sent this normally quiet town into an unusual panic as residents struggled to grasp the implications of these allegations. “Nu, so dos dis mean ve must follow de law of zis treifa velt?” one worried resident asked, under condition of anonymity. The allegations came public after a series of notices posted by an anonymous whistle-blower only known as “Reb Yid”.

Kiryas Yoel has long been considered the last ethnocentrically segregated country in North America. It is known for its pioneering of technological advances such as the wall poster, a means of direct communication considered superior to email for its ability to transmit information to a large group of people instantaneously, and the tire-slash, a means of directly informing people that they should not, in fact, be living there.

While the identity of “Reb Yid” is unknown, speculation is rife. Public opinion at the moment is that he is a white male, between the ages of 18 and 65, probably with a beard, white shirt and suit. Naturally, this has put everyone fitting that description under intense scrutiny by the other residents.

One resident was heard to remark “Mamish, ze oilam vill nisht stand for zis”.

For VNN, I’m David Gallbladder,

(Note: Satire. Nothing written represent the personal opinion of the writer, or indeed, anyone at all.)

12 Responses to “Allegations Worry Community”

  1. im lost. what happened?

  2. I’m poking fun at the fact that Kiryas Joel is supposed to be a Chassidish-only community governed by its own laws.

  3. Really funny, it’s like my very own jewish Onion.

  4. ….I’m sorry, I KNOW I’m nitpicking but I can’t resist. Currnetly, the USA only has 300 million people, not 600 million. Okay, glad I got that out of my system. Otherwise, very cute article.

  5. This and your Vitamin H article are extremely creative and laugh out loud funny!

  6. I was literally laughing outload at work when I read this one, I can only imagine what my manager thought I was doing. 🙂

  7. Like Stacy said, reminds me of the onion.

    Frum Punk: You should do more “onion” such stories.

    The whole time I thought Kiryas Yoel was in Israel.

  8. Great writing really funny LOL

  9. Also a great post really funny.

  10. I also thought they did something again.

  11. Glad you guys enjoyed it.
    Mak: You’re probably right. Luckily, I’m not too concerned about accuracy.

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