Have another nargilah.

I attended my first Bat Mitzvah tonight. It was one of those incredibly wealthy and incredibly secular type of families. The older brothers wore grey suits with trendy spiked hair. What’s wrong with people like that? Spiked hair with a suit at a formal function is not a good idea, no matter what those ads in GQ look like.

Anyways, the bat mitzvah girl gave a speech that honestly made me cringe. It just felt to wrong to hear her say brochos, and translate the prayers so she was saying how all Israel looks to Hashem for salvation every day and we only hope for you… They don’t even keep kosher, this was all so wrong. In between her speeches a Sephardi rabbi got up and sang various shabbos songs for some reason. Ashes Chayil, Doror Yikra… I don’t know why. After the speeches came the real bat mitzvah; the dancing! They had a black DJ, a really cool guy called Big Al. He had a real “soul brother” voice, deep and slow. He had obviously done his fair share of Jewish events before, he knew what to say. He played a decent selection, but it was all a bit disconcerting to me to see 12 year old girls dancing while “Smack That” plays. (Sample lyric: “Smack that, get on the floor/Smack that, give me some more/Smack that, ’till you get sore) While I imagine smacking that can be quite the thrill, I’d prefer not to have 12 year olds involved. He was decent though, also playing Scissor Sisters, Michael Jackson and ending with Frank Sinatra. Sadly, it also involved four hours of Take That and Girls Aloud.

Now, onto Hava Nagilah. THEY LOVE IT. Hava Nagilah was sang to various tunes, including Ani Maamin and Yidden. Yes, they made it fit. The Hava Nagilahs ran rampant over melodies and tunes, caring not what they bashed through on their way to more renditions of Hava Nagilah. Simen Tov was also popular, though less so than Hava Nagilah.

Adding to the entertainment, the lucky girl goes to a non-Jewish high school, so most of her friends weren’t even Jewish. I still got my fill of fun though, looking over the guest list at names like “Charlotte Feldman”, “Tiffany Shwartz” and “Crucifix Finkelstein”.

Check out the video I shot of possibly the best moment: The Isley Brothers version of “Twist and Shout”.

(Note to self, edit later to remove the rambling, make post funnier. Do both before posting.)

8 Responses to “Have another nargilah.”

  1. i think im going to start reading your blog just for the headers.
    the descendents, awesome. though i think “im not a punk” would
    work as well lol.

  2. You must have noticed this is my second Descendents header? The last one was from Everything Sucks with the quote from Mass Nerder.
    I felt it was appropos to the books post.

  3. Reminds me of my brother’s bar mitzva back in the day before we were frum. Except his DJ was much less cool. It was a dude and his mom. There names were something like DJ Cool Jeff and Disco Mama (or something equally as cheesy).

  4. Oh boy. I used to listen to the Spice girls (lyrics just as bad as that smack song), and I have no idea how my mom allowed it. BUt then, in all honesty once I actually started understanding what the lyrics meant, I stopped listening to them.

    Something equally as disturbing as 12 yr olds dancing to such songs, is 12 yr olds walking around with T-shirts that say “Don’t you wish your girlfriend were hot like me” (pussycat dolls)…now thats 2 much. Really, thats too much. You’re 12, you shouldn’t be thinking about being “hot”.

    Anyway,, My parents were recently at a Bar Mitzvah of really close family friends- also not frum- It was a small party, they made it at a kosher restuarant for my parents. The boy kept saying how when he grows up he can “get all the girls that he wants” and When the father went around with the camera and asked everyone to say something for the boy, most of the girls were all giggly and saying things like “we hope that you end up getting all the girls you want”

    How disturbing is that??

    anyway. Good post 🙂

  5. sounds like my cousins’ parties. which were fun, mostly just because all the family got together. I’m sorry, though, the spice girls’ lyrics were way more subtle than “smack that.” just you know, really sucky quality.

  6. More subtle??

    how about “When two become one… I need some love like I never needed love before…wanna make love to ya baby…”

    Or generally…like the words to their song naked (sorry, I cant remember anymore songs…its been a while since I listened to them)

    The only reason I remembre about Spice girls is cause they’re trying to make a comeback or whatever.

    it really depresses me whats in today’s music. Subtleness is not bad, everything in society was and always will revolve around sex. BUt such explicitness, and for KIDS!!
    Oish!!

    lol…this topic really disturbs me!!

  7. not that im defending them or anything (ive only ever heard of that one song) but the spice girls fall in to the showgirls category. so bad its good

  8. Anita, I like your OISH.

    From the video it is apparent that they had that ever-meaningful candle-lighting ceremony.

    How exactly have you never attended a Bat Mitzvah before?

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