Have another nargilah.
I attended my first Bat Mitzvah tonight. It was one of those incredibly wealthy and incredibly secular type of families. The older brothers wore grey suits with trendy spiked hair. What’s wrong with people like that? Spiked hair with a suit at a formal function is not a good idea, no matter what those ads in GQ look like.
Anyways, the bat mitzvah girl gave a speech that honestly made me cringe. It just felt to wrong to hear her say brochos, and translate the prayers so she was saying how all Israel looks to Hashem for salvation every day and we only hope for you… They don’t even keep kosher, this was all so wrong. In between her speeches a Sephardi rabbi got up and sang various shabbos songs for some reason. Ashes Chayil, Doror Yikra… I don’t know why. After the speeches came the real bat mitzvah; the dancing! They had a black DJ, a really cool guy called Big Al. He had a real “soul brother” voice, deep and slow. He had obviously done his fair share of Jewish events before, he knew what to say. He played a decent selection, but it was all a bit disconcerting to me to see 12 year old girls dancing while “Smack That” plays. (Sample lyric: “Smack that, get on the floor/Smack that, give me some more/Smack that, ’till you get sore) While I imagine smacking that can be quite the thrill, I’d prefer not to have 12 year olds involved. He was decent though, also playing Scissor Sisters, Michael Jackson and ending with Frank Sinatra. Sadly, it also involved four hours of Take That and Girls Aloud.
Now, onto Hava Nagilah. THEY LOVE IT. Hava Nagilah was sang to various tunes, including Ani Maamin and Yidden. Yes, they made it fit. The Hava Nagilahs ran rampant over melodies and tunes, caring not what they bashed through on their way to more renditions of Hava Nagilah. Simen Tov was also popular, though less so than Hava Nagilah.
Adding to the entertainment, the lucky girl goes to a non-Jewish high school, so most of her friends weren’t even Jewish. I still got my fill of fun though, looking over the guest list at names like “Charlotte Feldman”, “Tiffany Shwartz” and “Crucifix Finkelstein”.
Check out the video I shot of possibly the best moment: The Isley Brothers version of “Twist and Shout”.
(Note to self, edit later to remove the rambling, make post funnier. Do both before posting.)