Archive for November 12, 2008

The New Shidduch Crisis

Posted in Funny?, Rants, Shidduchim on November 12, 2008 by frumpunk

There’s a crisis in our community that the liberal mainstream media is choosing to ignore in favor of their own crises. But this is too serious an issue for me to ignore, especially as I and many people my age have been deeply affected by it.

I’m talking about the problem of people getting engaged, or worse, dating seriously. All of a sudden they’re pulling disappearing acts, they’re sneaking around, their phones are off. Its a friends worse nightmare. When these symptoms appear, you know your friend is lost to you, he’s either been claimed by drugs or a fiancée, and there’s not much difference between them. They’re both addictions. Both often coincide with physical symptoms such as sudden weight loss and dazed expressions. Both involve massive amounts of money suddenly being spent on this new habit. School and work are often affected. Both are seen as psychological addictions. Biologically there’s no change, but something mental keeps them trapped.

Its the friends who suffer most. The victim will go to great lengths to hide what they’ve been up to. Rarely will you hear someone talk about the person they’re dating openly with friends, much as few drug addicts are open about their drug use. You call them up to see if they’re free to go bowling or something, but they have plans, and they can’t say what or with who.

Up until now I’ve been discussing the symptoms of the seriously dating friend. But far more serious is the mental state of the engaged friend. You think you know someone. You think he’s a calm, rational person. But the day his Facebook relationship status changes, you know he’s lost forever. He becomes an imbecile, his mind withered away by his fiancee addiction. Suddenly he’s typing like a fifteen year old schoolgirl talking about the Jonas Brothers concert she went to. His Facebook statuses announce things like “is going to the park for the day with his beautiful fiancee!!!” He’s not only suckered in, but he’s bragging about it, as if trying to fool himself that he’s not only alright, but he’s actually better off than he was before! Any drug counselor can tell you that these are classic signs of addiction, the self delusion and the reduced mental capacity. Suddenly all he can talk about are things like flowers, bands, wedding halls. These are not signs of a healthy mind, my friends.

There’s a certain emptiness. A void, where he’s pushing away lifelong friends in favor of his new habit.

Rabbosai, all I can say is that I feel the Gedolai Yisroel should issue something, anything to combat this problem. I know I’m not the only one affected, not the only one who’s seen friends, people you thought you knew, disappear before your eyes.

Rachmano Leitzon.