The New Shidduch Crisis

There’s a crisis in our community that the liberal mainstream media is choosing to ignore in favor of their own crises. But this is too serious an issue for me to ignore, especially as I and many people my age have been deeply affected by it.

I’m talking about the problem of people getting engaged, or worse, dating seriously. All of a sudden they’re pulling disappearing acts, they’re sneaking around, their phones are off. Its a friends worse nightmare. When these symptoms appear, you know your friend is lost to you, he’s either been claimed by drugs or a fiancée, and there’s not much difference between them. They’re both addictions. Both often coincide with physical symptoms such as sudden weight loss and dazed expressions. Both involve massive amounts of money suddenly being spent on this new habit. School and work are often affected. Both are seen as psychological addictions. Biologically there’s no change, but something mental keeps them trapped.

Its the friends who suffer most. The victim will go to great lengths to hide what they’ve been up to. Rarely will you hear someone talk about the person they’re dating openly with friends, much as few drug addicts are open about their drug use. You call them up to see if they’re free to go bowling or something, but they have plans, and they can’t say what or with who.

Up until now I’ve been discussing the symptoms of the seriously dating friend. But far more serious is the mental state of the engaged friend. You think you know someone. You think he’s a calm, rational person. But the day his Facebook relationship status changes, you know he’s lost forever. He becomes an imbecile, his mind withered away by his fiancee addiction. Suddenly he’s typing like a fifteen year old schoolgirl talking about the Jonas Brothers concert she went to. His Facebook statuses announce things like “is going to the park for the day with his beautiful fiancee!!!” He’s not only suckered in, but he’s bragging about it, as if trying to fool himself that he’s not only alright, but he’s actually better off than he was before! Any drug counselor can tell you that these are classic signs of addiction, the self delusion and the reduced mental capacity. Suddenly all he can talk about are things like flowers, bands, wedding halls. These are not signs of a healthy mind, my friends.

There’s a certain emptiness. A void, where he’s pushing away lifelong friends in favor of his new habit.

Rabbosai, all I can say is that I feel the Gedolai Yisroel should issue something, anything to combat this problem. I know I’m not the only one affected, not the only one who’s seen friends, people you thought you knew, disappear before your eyes.

Rachmano Leitzon.

15 Responses to “The New Shidduch Crisis”

  1. What about “Shana Rishona” couples? Forget it, they’re so gone.

  2. I’ve got no experience there. Both my shanah rishonah friends have moved away anyways.

  3. Please tell me you misspelled crisis on purpose…

  4. Oh my… *runs to edit*
    Thats really embarrassing for me. But in my defense, I’m running on two days without sleep. Long story.

  5. To make up for your mistake, I expect a grammatically correct blog post on said “long story”. 😛

  6. Its not really a long story. Basically, I worked a wedding Monday night that finished in the wee hours, so my sleep schedule is thrown off. I didn’t sleep last night so I’m staying up until tonight because if I sleep during th day I’ll perpetuate being up all night for the next week or so.

  7. loved this post!

    and the worst is when u have this exact convo with a friend and ur both ranting about ppl who do this— and then ur friend goes off a month later and acts this exact way!!!!

    i do NOT like engaged ppl

  8. LOL :applause:

    es, but not everyone, right? 🙂

  9. Very funny, that was great!

    I was very surprised when my best friend who got engaged would call me up like usual and have regular conversations with me, the only change was that she kept talking about finances and how nervous she was. Didn’t know what to say to calm her nerves, but I told her not to worry. Then by her wedding, at the end, she was talking to me again like regular, with none of these symptoms and it surprised me further. It helped me feel better, that she’s still there no matter what.

  10. I find the people who are engaged and try so hard to avoid the stereotypical engaged person they overdo it and you are on friend overload, and then they apologize anytime they accidently revert to engaged person speak….go ahead, become a blithering idiot, it’s the only time in your time you can get away with it.

  11. stam- ive said this before, and ill say it again- ur pretty good abt thing!

  12. With so many crises on our hands the Gedolim cant handle them all.

  13. You gotta get all of your normal friends together and do an intervention.

  14. Im yirtza Hashem by you!!!!

  15. oops that last comment is from the MRS. I just forgot to add it 🙂

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