Things never heard enough on shidduch dates:
Yeshiva? *whistles* Man, crazy times. I’m telling you craaa-zeeee…
Ideally I’d like to live somewhere rural. Maybe Tennessee.
Soooo, a Prius huh?
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. Let us dine together on you.
My fathers in Kollel, and hopes to support us…
Look at my Borsalino, it’s so black! It’s like, how much more blacker could it be? The answer is none. None more black.
Well besides my blog I also enjoy… have you read my blog? You really should. I mean, really.
And then the Super-Cops came! And I punched one of them in the mouth!
I still can’t believe Ner Jake accepted me!
I’ll have a side of garlic bread.
I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
Can we just stop in here? I need a new nose hair trimmer.
…but the secretary would cover anything un-tzniyus with a marker! Hardly worth subscribing, y’knowhatImean? *winks*
Whats that? You want me to drink you?
I’ll have a glass of the house and the lady will have a water. Tap.
Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Do these fries taste extra-heimish to you?
Yeah, it was weird. But frankly, we were just happy Rabbi Stern stopped using the F word for one sentence.
It was sad though; he never did manage to squeeze that gerbil out. Poor thing.
How do you feel about feet?
I think teal is the most voracious color.
…so we got into the club. Man, those gazombas… they were like… y’know when you perfectly inflate a balloon?
Please, call me Maestro.
So I got an ‘A’. I always hated shopping for underwear after that.
And of course: When asked what you want to do tonight, the immediate response is from Pinky and the Brain. (I really feel this is an underutilized response).