Bugging Out

It’s never quiet here. It’s summer and it’s hot so we sleep with the window open. Last night at around 3am I hear a loudspeaker announcing something. I couldn’t tell if it was hebrew or arabic but I couldn’t decide what the tradeoff should be. Do I close the window for quiet or keep it open for the breeze? I’ve decided Israel is a second world country, by the way. First world technology, third world culture. Maybe thats a bit harsh, but the Israeli mentality definitely grates on me a little.
And the insects. I don’t like bugs. I’m not scared of bugs, I’m just protective of my body and when I see something that looks like it could sample my leg while I’m sleeping, I step on it. Israel must be a haven for ectomologists, because the sheer variety of creepy crawlies could make one shiver with glee. On shabbos we had ants crawling out of both sinks. This is doubly annoying, because it means you can’t wash your hands without someone shouting at you that you’re going to hell for killing on shabbos. Plus these little suckers had wings. WINGS. All of them, not just the queen. And last night I went to take a shower to find out they’d migrated and I was exposing myself to thousands of little friends. I hope none of them were female, or I might have been over an issur of yichud, not to mention indecency. I took a close look, but it’s so hard to tell, and I didn’t feel like trying to flip them upside down. 
I did the honorable thing of  course, and aimed the shower nozzle at the walls, giving them both the waterpark ride of their lives and a viking funeral. 

 

It’s never quiet here. It’s summer and it’s hot so we sleep with the window open. Last night at around 3am I hear a loudspeaker announcing something. I couldn’t tell if it was Hebrew or Arabic but I couldn’t decide what the trade-off should be. Do I close the window for quiet or keep it open for the breeze? I’ve decided Israel is a second world country, by the way. First world technology, third world culture. Maybe that’s a bit harsh, but the Israeli mentality definitely grates on me a little.

And the insects. I don’t like bugs. I’m not scared of bugs, I’m just protective of my body and when I see something that looks like it could sample my leg while I’m sleeping, I step on it. Israel must be a haven for ectomologists, because the sheer variety of creepy crawlies could make one shiver with glee. On shabbos we had ants crawling out of both sinks. This is doubly annoying, because it means you can’t wash your hands without someone shouting at you that you’re going to hell for killing on shabbos. Plus these little suckers had wings. WINGS. All of them, not just the queen. And last night I went to take a shower to find out they’d migrated and I was exposing myself to thousands of little friends. I hope none of them were female, or I might have been over an issur of yichud, not to mention indecency. I took a close look, but it’s so hard to tell, and I didn’t feel like trying to flip them upside down. 

I did the honorable thing of  course, and aimed the shower nozzle at the walls, giving them both the waterpark ride of their lives and a viking funeral.

14 Responses to “Bugging Out”

  1. For a proper Viking-esque funeral, you’d have had to set each tiny little ant on fire first, though.

    But let’s not quibble over anthropological details — the important thing is that you made it out alive 🙂

  2. Is killing bugs on Shabbos somehow worse than killing them on a weekday?

  3. Both of you are wrong. You need to build a little wooden boat, fill the tub with water, put all of them on the boat and then set the boat on fire.

  4. Actually you’d build a tiny boat for each brave ant warrior, and then fill that boat with wood and then put coins on those tiny ant eyes and then lay their lifeless bodies atop each prepared pyre and then sing your small sad ant songs and then light that shit on fire and send it out to sea.

    I just didn’t know we were being that specific 🙂

  5. […] Bugging Out « A Frum Punk Tags: a-bit-harsh, a-second-world, actual-nuclear, second-world, third-world […]

  6. You guys are crazy. 🙂

    Raizy: Its an issue to kill things on shabbos, even bugs.

  7. Arabs and their loudspeakers, very annoying. You can hear them across a valley.

  8. Holy cow, dude! Everything in Israel flies! I used to sit on a the mirpeset for hours at night during the summer and be attacked. They have no fear at all. They would just crawl across the keyboard if I stopped typing for two minutes. Keep up the good writing!

  9. B”H

    Where are you? Sounds too early for the call to prayer, which believe it or not we all eventually get used to.

    P. S. I just moved back to Jerusalem after years in the Shomron, but I can still arrange for you to spend a Shabbath in Kfar Tapu’ah if you want, for the requisite “Shabbatht with settlers” experience {Very popular with Mir guys}.

    Let me know.

  10. wow, it’s been months since I’ve come to read your posts…
    that was really funny, sorry about all the bugs there. I remember April time when I was in Israel I slept with the porch door open and woke up with a million mosquito bites all over my face.

    And btw, you reminded me of a video/song, have you seen Bugging You?

  11. BY: Dont want to be specific as to where I am. Dont feel like getting mobbed by adoring fans everytime I go out. 🙂

    I’ve had a shabbos with settlers (if Tel Tziyon counts) and I think I’m booked for the rest of my shabbosim, but thanks and I’ll keep that in mind just in case.

    Babysitter: (should I stop calling you that?) Thanks. I hadnt seen that video before.

  12. Babysitter still works for me

    Your welcome

  13. FP: No problem. As a paranoid “everyone is a shabbak agent” settler for eight years, I can completely relate. ;-}

    Tel Tzion has nice people, but no, Jerusalem’s backyard doesn’t “count.” No goats, donkeys, behives, olive groves, arab neighbors, AK 47’s, M-16’s, scorpions, and zatar fields.

    ;-{

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