Outtatownin Aint Easy

As Kermit so nearly said, it’s not easy being from out-of-town. Everyones from New York, or as Moshe said when he friended me on Facebook: “You’re not from NY? I thought everyone was from New York?”

See, I was reading some blogs tonight, as is my want, and I started taking note of the content for once, instead of doing what I normally do and I assume I know what they’re talking about after reading the first few words then skipping to the end to leave a comment on how they’re wrong. And I realized how easy everyone has it. Everyone but me can blog about something that takes no effort. They can rant about Glatt Mart, or chassidim, or, I dunno, something else Brooklyn related or whatever. That’s the point, everything in New York, and even more-so in Jewish New York is bloggable. Brooklyn is a bloggers paradise! Remember when I was there for a week? I was blogging every day! You can go out for pizza and come back with blog material. You can blog about people, the food, the newspapers, the politics. Then you can blog about places afar and compare them to New York. Because as Frank Sinatra so nearly sang, it’s New. Bloody. York.

And I just don’t have that. I don’t have these Jewish social issues to blog about much. When I do, it’s normally because of something I read on a New Yorkers blog and it seemed odd to me. My blogging takes effort. I have to blog on something personal, or interesting, or I just try to be humorous. I can’t write something about a rude yeshiva guy on the subway, because we don’t have a subway, we have a train, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen another Jew on it at the same time as me. And noones ever been rude to me on it anyway.

Point is, I feel completely lost when Jewish issues get blogged on. I get envious when Frum Satire blogs about kiddushes. This wonderful place where the average shul kiddush involves more than cake, bisseli and crackers? Can it really exist. Weddings sound ridiculously over the top to me. I remember when I went to my first Brooklyn wedding, and it was ridiculously over the top. There was something in the realm of five different rooms, each with a different food group, replenished all night.

I’m going to end this post before it turns into a rant and rave about Brooklyn. But first, let me just insult you all for a minute, and probably lose all my readers: your accents. Speech patterns. Slang. What the h-e-double hockey stick? Not everyone sounds like it, but the stereotypical New York accent grates on me. That whiny stereotypical Brooklyn accent… why does it exist? My voice isn’t a musical symphony, but there’s something about New York accents from many strata’s that assaults the eardrum. From the Jewish Brooklyn to the buzzsaw Italian, it doesn’t work for me. I reached this epiphany last Shabbos while walking home with someone. We were discussing American girls, and I said, and he agreed, that the worst thing for me about raising my kids in New York would be to have kids who sound like New Yorkers.

You all hate me now, don’t you?

35 Responses to “Outtatownin Aint Easy”

  1. If your town has an orthodox Jewish population, (or at least a sizeable non-orthdox Jewish population) Whats there to complain about?

  2. I guess I was rambling, but my intended point was a humorous rant on how not living in New York gives me far less blog material than most orthobloggers and hence means I have to work harder at it.

    But it was all meant to be a joke. Nothing I say is true. Except for that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that…

  3. i see

    But you know it could be ‘worse’. A friend of mine who is kinda froom moved to Savannah.

  4. How big is the community there? And why? And isn’t it close enough to Atlanta anyway? I haven’t been to Georgia in at least eight years, I could be and probably am, wrong.

    My parents friends moved to Des Moines, Iowa a few years ago. Now that’s a place with no community. Of course, there’s lots of places with no community. That’s just my example of one.

  5. She went for college I think, it’s I believe ~4/5 hr drive from ATL? It;s probably a reform community, if any. Iowa isnt so bad if you like corn!

  6. At least they have Jews. My friend (and bandmate) moved to a farm in rural Virginia. Forget community, the closest town is 45 mins away. They pump water from a well and own a broken tractor. They have a lake. It’s a long way from Miami.

  7. Well that definitely beats all.

  8. Kid, I don’t live there either. But those NY men still find their way into my shul and that provides me with just enough whacko to post about while affording me the tiny shards of sanity I’m managing to hang on to…or not. It’s been touch and go, lately.

  9. Stop clinging, you should just give up on sanity altogether. The badgers are far more eloquent on this side of the mind. But I digest, your shul comment made me think of how many New Yorkers live here. I can think of two, both because they married local girls and both who talk about how awesome New York is in comparison.

  10. Dude, you make it sound easy to get up and write a post, here in brooklyn. Well let me burst your buuble, it aint that easy. Do you know how hard it is to find my own ideas that frumsatire hasnt written, he writes on everything. If you live out of brooklyn its easy, all you have to do is come once or twice, and you have 5 or 6 posts on how your place is different. By the way, it only makes us want to read your posts. More vareity.

  11. When your’e in Nu Yawk, it’s hahder to pronounce everyting like faw example Yeshiver (yes, i heard that at a graduation), berling wawtah (boiling water), fuhgeddaboudit (forget about it) officially the brooklyn slogan (can you dig it?). Well, I was born here and i can’t stand it !!!
    Ahhh…. You don’t have to blog about local crap, there’s plenty other stuff to pick on if you have the time to look for it. Your blog is interesting for it’s style and not necessarily the local flavor. Don’t quit on us and leave all of us in the lurch, or the Brooklyn Bridge will start to look appealing as a launching pad 😉

  12. people in brooklyn or anyone else who only posts about things that people in brooklyn or anywhere else do, to make fun of it or for any other reason, just have nothing else going on in their lives to say! i haven’t done it once…and neither have my friends. if that what blogging is about for you, maybe you should try some different blogs!

  13. Punk, have you ever *met* a badger? Those buggers are not to be trifled with; I can only imagine how smarmy they’d be if they actually spoke.

    In all seriousness, though, I do know what you mean. Every time I run low on stories or just don’t want to remember anymore, I know it’s time to get back to shul or shabbats where I am company or shaddchan-y friends I usually avoid or the like. It’s a little difficult to blog about Jewish idiosyncrasies when one isn’t immersed in the same kind of all-pervasively Jewish community as the majority of the blogging Jewniverse, but in a way, it ensures that I’ll never be able to stay away from the (considerably smaller) Jewish community I do have. Ahhh, a silver lining 🙂

  14. I think your blog material is excellent. Better than the L”H those other “bloggable” stuff would be.

    I know what you mean about the Brooklyn accent, I don’t like it either. I used to watch this TV show where the woman had such a Brooklyn accent, I was wondering if she was exaggerating it, but it didn’t sound good. I think most frum people who go to yeshiva’s don’t have that accent though.

    Nobody hates you… (I suppose you were joking, but still…never to sure)

  15. wat? wat iz rong wit my accent?
    How am I supposed to know there are Jews in England?! I thought only Englanders live there!

  16. forgot to sub

  17. Mike, Davened, Babysitter: thanks for the compliments.

    Nameless: They’re really quite good conversationalists. Not as good as raccoons of course, but not bad.

    Moshe: You sound Russian anyways! (Well quasi-Russian. Semi-Russian. You’re the Diet Coke of Russian. :))

    Sheffele: True, maybe its just a lack of imagination.

    Maidel: You semi-inspired this one. Ah, the great circle of blogging.

  18. i don’t think you need imagination. i just think you need to know how to look…the things i write about are so far from imaginary…same for all my friends. if you look, it’s there!

  19. im from the midwest and live in brooklyn and i hate the brooklyn accent. some sound like greenhorns, thought hey were born in ny. when i write about brooklyn i get the most comments on my blog, so i write about it. but i like to write about other universal topics as well. i like reading blogs written by people who live all over because it makes life more interesting.

  20. I wish I could get away with saying bloody or cripes you’re so lucky.

  21. Fake it Stacy, fake it. Don’t let that Brooklyn accent keep you down.
    Watch some Hugh Grant movies for reference. *Sorry, I threw up a bit in my mouth while typing that*

  22. Totally understandable, but don’t worry I have Ricky Gervais and the girls from Ab Fab for reference.

  23. I saw Ricky live on his “Fame” tour. He should stick to acting and writing, his stand-up is terrible and wooden.

  24. ABFAB!! Oh, I grew up on that brilliance! And, thanks to my fantastically European mother and my mostly TV-hating father: The Vicar of Dibley, Upstairs Downstairs, Are You Being Served and Keeping Up Appearances. My siblings and I can do any UK accent on command. Unfortunately, my father (born in Beirut and raised in the African-American/Puerto Rican neighborhoods of northern New Jersey) still cannot understand a word of these programmes, so my mother translates. He, in turn, tells her what they are saying on The Wire. It works out pretty well.

  25. “programmes”
    obnoxious brits, adding letters to words to make them look fancy 😛

  26. I’m not British! My teeth are fantastic and I have a *tan*!

  27. I grew up on Benny Hill, and I turned out just fine……;-)

  28. Nameless: You related to James Bond, perhaps?

  29. Fp- I’ll take your word for it but it’s really hard to imagine Ricky as anything but awesome.
    Ab Fab is total perfection, there’s no american knockoff that even comes close.

  30. Wikipedia says they’re remaking Ab Fab for America.

  31. Dinky Londoner Says:

    Stacy: Saw Ricky’s stand-up on TV – and I thought it *was* ‘awesome’. Maybe FP saw a bad one, or they recorded a particularly good one!

    And yeah, I hate that NY accent – I have to put the sub-titles on when it’s on TV!

  32. well you know what they say,

    “Headlines don’t sell papes. Newsies sell papes”

    yes i’m quoting life advice from a Disney musical.

    but yea, you can always find something to blog about if you really want

  33. KT and FrumPunk:
    ive been to des moines iowa- theres a community there! small, but i think it still counts.
    and savannah has a normal size (for out of town) ORTHODOX community!

  34. Late reply, but a big fat ‘zomg, you summed it up’ on New York accents (and probably most American accents that aren’t Southern).

    Probably everyone from the US hates me now, too.

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