Chanukah Kicks Tuchus

Chanukah is the single greatest yom tov we have. And not just because it gave me a reason to use the word “tuchus” in a title.

Finally, we have a yom tov that doesn’t involve massive amounts of over-consumption. It doesn’t stop us from driving, using the computer or (G-D forbid), Facebooking. It doesn’t involve any whining, for once we came out the victors. Its the “tough-Jew” holiday, the perennial favorite of the JDF and Kahanists.

But what about Purim, you ask? I’m not a fan of Purim. If you’re one of the few people still around from when I began, you’ll remember that one of my first posts was how I don’t like Purim. Drunk people and fifteen year olds peeing in the streets do nothing for me, especially when I had to explain to a local Irish family why the kids from the Yeshiva near them in their small town were kicking fences and peeing. They were just watching like it was the best show in ages, which considering where they lived, might have been true.

But back to Chanukah, it makes no heavy demands on you, it’s basically an after school/work yom tov. You get to eat chocolate money and eat latkes. Everyone has an excuse to eat doughnuts. I actually feel odd if I eat a jelly doughnut during the year, because it’s so tied in with chanukah to me.

Just a few gripes: We need new songs. Even Y-Love and Erran Cohens take does little to really spice it up for me anymore. Where’s the chanukah equivalent of “White Christmas”? Is it maybe because its so hard to rhyme “chanukah”? Next; We need a mascot. Chanukah Chaim is just a cheap imitation of Santa. How about a new story for the kids? Yehuda Maccabi comes out of the oil and gives jelly doughnuts too all the erlich boys and girls? Decorations. I can’t stand the fact that Jewish houses look so dull while “goyish” but we all do that as well. On that note, this might be just my family, but does anyone else decorate the succah with Christmas fairy lights and stuff?

6 Responses to “Chanukah Kicks Tuchus”

  1. In Israel the Chareidim decorate the sukkah with christmas lights. Santa is just a Rebbe in a red suit.

  2. My family used to decorate the sukkah with X-mas lights until they found this string of watermelon lights and another string of American flag lights that actually give off more light than the X-mas ones.
    As for Hanukkah being the best… eh, presents and donuts are fun, but I’d much rather deal with the hassle of getting the house spotless and sitting around a table until ungodly hours of the night (I’m referring to Pesach, obviously), than get a few presents and indulge in some jelly donuts.

  3. Shoulda told them that Purim is the Jewish St. Patty’s day.

  4. I think I told them it was the Jewish Haloween actually. People drunk and dressed up. Made sense.

  5. The number for jelly donut therapy is 1-800-YES- JELLY

    Oh, BTW, lots of people put up Xmas lights in the succah. They haven’t issued a Kol Korei against it yet….

  6. At the same time that it’s great that it’s like a after school/work holiday, and that you can still do any Melacha. It still takes away from a bit, unless you work on making it special, it looses it’s specialness and Yom Tov feeling. You just go light the candles then go back to what your doing and forget about it. The parties and dreidels, latkes, and doughnuts help you remember that it’s a special yom tov day and brings the joy back in.

    O, and I remember that post in the beginning.

    O, and about chanukah decorations, I have a funny picture to show you.

    But really I think the chanukah story as it is is exciting, no need to change it and make stuff up.

    Also, I bought this CD of a girl singing and I listened to all the songs and they were great, then I looked at the tracks and one of them says “White X-mas” and I listened to the CD again and I couldn’t figure out which song was that one, cause it didn’t mention the word x-mas in it once or anything religious like.

    O, and btw, I never had a Jelly doughnut, don’t like them, dunno why their referred to as the Chanukah doughnut. I like the plain white ones.

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