Bah, Teenagers

Kids are awesome, aren’t they? They start off plump and cuddly then segue into something cute and constantly learning for the next decade or so. I don’t have kids, but I’m the second oldest of a family of seven, so for those of you in a similar position, you know what I mean when you refer to siblings from a somewhat parental viewpoint. But the kids get back at you, don’t they? They manage to end up as anthropomorphic adults of a sort, only stupider and with more acne. It’s a terrible thing and I don’t know why they do it. Spite, I guess, from being pushed around and told to go to bed at six when its still sunny. Because when you tell a child to go to bed, what he hears is “lie down in a dark room and don’t move for ten hours”. A few years of that can build up a decent amount of resentment in anyone.

So going to my original point, that being teenagers. It’s a good name for a band but a terrible period in life, at least at the start. It gets cool by the time you’re around seventeen, but then you’re a “young adult” so it doesn’t count anyway. My youngest sibling is now eleven and I’ve three siblings at various stages of teenagerhood. I say various stages, but they’re all equally annoying. It’s a sad thing for me that I’ll officially never have little siblings again. Sadder even for my mother, which might explain why she points out every passing female under thirty and unringed to me.

My parents have been ill for a couple of days, and that meant the job of driver fell to me. School drop-offs and pickups. Appointments and all that fun stuff. Basically spending hours a day in a car driving teenagers. And I don’t like it. I don’t understand teenagers, probably because I never was a teenager. I don’t mean that in the Matilda sense (“I hate children. Glad I never was one.”) but the realistic sense. I did pass through the ages of thirteen to twenty and made it out alive and relatively unscathed, but I wasn’t a teenager like they are today. It’s not just my siblings, all teenagers today are rotten little things. The internet has ruined them. We never had MySpace or Facebook, hence we didn’t devote an amazing amount of time to taking pictures of ourselves to post. We had AIM, MSN and the AOL Jewish Chat Room (good memories, “a/s/l”…) but it’s not the same. We weren’t image obsessed, the opposite, we were anti-image. If you wanted to look cool you had to bloody work at it, not just pop into Hot Topic or a website. I think Hot Topic was open when I was in high school, but it wasn’t the same anyways. Noone went there. And have you heard the music they listen to? It’s this vapid inane crud, with lyrics as deep as an Arkansas outhouse circa 1870. I listened to a lot of Smashing Pumpkins in high school, our music had heart. And even the inane crud of my day was relatively harmless, Backstreet Boys, Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray and all that. Now even the tween pop songs have lyrics that would be banned by Justice Potter Stewart back in 1964. And one last thing on music, the kids have it too easy. Back in my day, if you wanted an album you went out and bought it. Sure, you could download it. Over a 33.6kbps modem. Napster. And one song at a time. Now the kids can steal a whole album in the time it takes me to get out of bed in the morning. And CD’s. We lugged around our CD players and these massive CD cases. You had to if you were going somewhere and wanted a variety of music. Now these brats have more albums than Best Buy in a player the size of Kevin Federlines brain. We had iPods. sure. 5GB if you wanted. You just needed a Mac and $400 or so. Now the most expensive one is 160GB for $250. And I thought things got more expensive in time.

I’m sorry, I’ve gone completely off topic. I left my siblings behind ages ago and just went on a bitter screed about the youth of today, didn’t I? My point is that I was never a teenager, not like today. I wasn’t annoying, rude or demanding. I went through my teenage years with headphones in one hand and a gemorah in the other. I had my balance, never felt the need to lash out at authority figure for negative attention. Not much anyway. I don’t know, the kids aren’t alright.

Disclaimer: Post written at 2.15am. May not be coherent or worthy of posting. Apologies if my suspicions are correct and I’m just overtired.

15 Responses to “Bah, Teenagers”

  1. Dude, no offense, but you sound like an old man, just wishing for the good old days.

  2. i love how u write.
    hot topic is NOT cool. never was and hopefully never will be.
    i remember when all i wanted for my bday was the newest disc man.
    i also remember when napster was the biggest thing and if u wanted to be frum, you would discuss if it was halachikly ok or not.
    a/s/l— hahahhaha wowwww those were the days.

  3. You act as if, people didn’t say this about you, when you were a teenager.

  4. Kosher Cupcake Says:

    Ah, I remember those days. The Smashing Pumpkins – Billy Corgan was a true poet. The music today has no true emotion, soul or artistry behind it even those still rocking for ‘those’ days have lost their passion for the art.

    Hot Topic. *insane laughter* Flashbacks to the days when I rocked the Gothic look…I made fun of those who shopped at Hot Topic. A truly fashionable Gothic woman made her own attire. 😉

  5. I remember the AOL Jewish Chat room! G-d we were losers!

  6. Dude, in my day, it was tape players and radios, not fancy cd players and you can forget about mp3 cds.

    I actually had an 8-track and tapes, found in the garbage.
    My computer had a monochrome monitor, no mouse, no soundcard and 28.8, not some fancy 33.6. In my day we had to manually tweak config and autoexec to get pretty much any game to work. Internet?! We had BBS!
    You know what I did in college? I logged in to my unix account and used MIRC, lynx, vi and pine! AOL Jewish Chat room?! MIRC jewish channel!

    Now get off my lawn before I take out my shotgun!

  7. What Moshe said.

    *shakes walking stick in threatening mannerP

  8. I think was the first of anyone I knew to have an ipod, everyone would crowd around just to hold it, It was like 4 inches thick and about $450 those were the days of being afraid to take it on the train bec people were being mugged for them.

    good use of anthropomorphic btw.

  9. Ahhh, I dunno, we used to throw the green beans under the table at supper ’cause we hated ’em so much. We fought all the time and did all the usual teenage crap. You, I don’t understand, must be genetic… 😉
    Oh, and this was before computers, geezer that I am….

  10. Very amusing post, though got to agree, sound a bit like an old man…And you’re gonna think I’m nuts for saying this, but as a therpist I want to work with kids and teenagers…despite, or possibly because of, they way they are.

  11. The AOL Jewish chatroom? So that’s where I know you from…

    Seriously, though; I wonder what a reunion would be like.

  12. Holy crap! I remember that aol jewish community….A/S/L- and getting my first BF from there (How pathetic!). I still love the smashing pumpkins, but i find Band of Horses and Modest mouse to be pretty cool too. let me guess, you are about 24-26?

  13. Ari: Never got into Band of Horses. Heard a few songs when iTunes had them as the free single of the week or something. I’m 23 btw.

  14. Actually your right about the sleep part, for children it’s like committing suicide, cause they don’t realize there’s a whole nother day ahead of them, they only see the present. I still have a memory of my father telling me to go to sleep and I didn’t want to, so I sat in my bed crying and refusing to fall asleep, but then of course I fell asleep.

    I think I skipped over the teenage years too. I think it’s funny to see how all these girls make unattractive kiss-fish faces to put up as pictures for the whole world to see, it’s a bit sad though.

    Never heard of hot topic before. I remember the a/s/l stuff…

    I didn’t know I-Pod’s were so cheap now. I remember first I had a walkman cassette player, then when CD’s became the in thing it was so exciting to get a disc man, I thought it was so convenient that you were able to go to another track without having to fast forward and rewind to try to find the place. I love technology! Now with mp3 players you can listen to any random song out of 1,000’s, it’s great, I remember buying myself one as a birthday present.

  15. brown eyed girl Says:

    so many things to love about this post

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