Archive for December 1, 2008

I Just Made CNN!

Posted in blogs, Me on December 1, 2008 by frumpunk

This is really weird. Go to this page: http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/12/01/attacks.orphan/index.html and click on “From The Blogs”.

See me, second one down? Odd…

Edit: I just read the story, and now I feel depressed and almost like I’m exploiting it somehow. Why’d they have to link me from that story? 😦

The Mistakes People Make

Posted in Funny?, Me on December 1, 2008 by frumpunk

I’m an expert in many fields, one of which is Life. I have over two decades of experience with Life. Over the course of my emoloyment in this field I have come into contact with many people, most of whom also have or are involved in some form of Life. Through my observation of these people, I have gleaned some understanding of what and/or how many people do and/or involve themselves through their own individual and/or shared lives, most of which is made up and/or the figment of my own imagination and/or not.

Mistake One: Taking Yourself Seriously

It’s a sad thing I’ve noticed, but over time many people seem to reach the conclusion that life is something to be taken seriously. This is a dangerous course to take. The truth is, nothing should ever be taken seriously. I make it a point in my life to assume nothing is ever of importance, or at least of enough importance to worry about. This is not only a great stress-reducing tool, it can give you a healthy glow when coupled with living too close to active and unshielded radiation. And how did you achieve that? By not taking the threat of radiation seriously. Score one for you! Now at this point you may be wondering if I’m being serious here. The truth is, even I don’t know, because I don’t take myself seriously enough to check these things. Scientists have recently proved that most people who take themselves seriously are adults. Now most adults end up becoming old. Many old people end up dying. See the dangers now?

Mistake Two: Settling Down

Now settling down is a concept closely related to the previous concept of Taking Yourself Seriously. In fact, leading linguists have shown that the words “Settling Down” come from the Latin words “settle” which means “taking yourself” and “down” meaning “seriously”. But the differences lie in the action of the phrase, for while taking yourself seriously is simply a mental way of seeing things, settling down is all about the action. Think about this; when was the last time you went streaking? If you’re the average person, the answer is probably “that summer I was five and it was hot and the neighbors sprinkler was on.” If you went to yeshiva high school the answer is probably “that time the sem had a barbecue nearby.” But the point is, it probably wasn’t yesterday. Now think back to how much fun you’re having right now, compared to how much fun you had when you were five or at that barbecue, just before the cops arrived. Now I’m not advocating streaking. I’m advocating not being mundane and boring. Or at least not being so casually boring. Mix it up, live a little. Once you lose the spontaneity, you start being the kind of person who takes themselves seriously, and we’ve already discussed where that leads you.

Mistake Three: Not Being Me

Odds are, you’re you and not me. But just to be safe, this is a good time to go check in the mirror to make sure you’re you, not me. It’s okay, I’ll just wait here. Okay, so hopefully by now you’ve determined whether you’re you or me. If you’re me, then you’re doing just fine, nothing to worry about. If you’re you, then that’s something we need to deal with. Now unlike the previous two mistakes, this one can’t be solved with a change in attitude or a quick lobotomy. No, this is a bit more insidious. The first thing I can suggest is, being less like you. Now if you’re me, that might seem contradictory, because if I were less like me, then I’d be you, or at least something approximating you, such as a radiator. Not to worry, because that piece of advice was for you, not me, so if you’re me, feel free to ignore that piece of advice. But if you were me, you wouldn’t be taking any of this seriously anyway, so it’s a bit of a moot point. The second thing I can suggest is a quick lobotomy. Now I’m aware that I said a few sentences ago that this particular mistake can’t be solved with a simple lobotomy. That’s fine, because I wasn’t taking it seriously then, and I’m sure not going to start now. And lets face it, a simple bit of lobotomy never hurt anyone. In some cases, it got them elected president.

Stay tuned for the next installment in “The Mistakes People Make”. Until then, try not to make any of the mistakes that I’ll be talking about next time.

Just A Quick Joke

Posted in Funny?, Shidduchim on December 1, 2008 by frumpunk

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a hotel lobby. Sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: “Do you like latkes?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like latkes?”