Tishe B’Av Wins Approval From PETA

A spokesman for PETA recently praised the Jewish communities commitment to animal rights through the observance of Tishe B’ Av. “In an age of excess, it’s nice to see people taking one day to show their commitment to animal rights by not only refusing to eat meat, but even refusing to wear leather.”

PETA has made great strides in the frum community. Until Tishe B’Av their biggest success to date was the almost universal replacement of real kishke with parev kishke made from vegetables. This author has only ever managed to have real kishke once in his life, and that was at some sketchy place in Israel.

PETA points to early biblical sources as proof of the correctness of their lifestyle. “We see in the Torah that Hashem told the Jews to be fruitful and multiply. Not to be meatful and multiply. In fact, the word ‘meatful’ never once appears in the Torah, while fruits, veggies and general farming are mentioned multiple times.” said PETA spokesperson Irma Beefeater.

In related news, Crocs, makers of the eponymous footwear bearing the same name is investigating the cause for a sudden spike in sales leading up to the weekend of August 8th.

5 Responses to “Tishe B’Av Wins Approval From PETA”

  1. Did you make this up?
    It sounds so real.
    It’s funny.

  2. I did, during a moment of hunger on Tisha B’av. Food = Meat = PETA on my thought scale.

  3. Yeah I was confused till I reached the name of the “spokesperson”.

    PETA is such a sad joke. Their ability to sucker time and money out of weak minded but otherwise well meaning liberals never ceases to amaze me.

  4. LEZER, LOUIS KESTENBAUM A SATMAR Chasid is being accused. WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) – A teenage girl has filed a $50 million lawsuit against a New York billionaire, saying he sexually abused her when she was 14.

    Louis Kestenbaum”s attorney says the allegations are false and motivated by money. Kestenbaum is also the CEO of Fortis properties and the ODA a goverment funded organisation in the williamsburg section of Brooklyn NY

    The girl, now 17, claims Louis Kestenbaum invited her to his Florida mansion in 2005 to perform a massage for $300. The lawsuit, filed in federal court, claims he demanded she remove her clothes, then sexually assaulted her.

    The girl, her father and stepmother are seeking more than $50 million.

    Joel kestenbaum the son of Louis kestenabum had no comments

  5. Interesting Miri, but why leave it as a comment on this piece?

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