I Don’t Really Like Purim
There, I said it.
Purim for me is one of the more annoying days of the year. My abiding memories of Purims past include watching people I formerly respected sobbing incoherently and trying to explain to some fascinatingly watching goyim why a bunch of 14 year olds from the local Yeshiva are stumbling around the street, drunk, swearing, smoking and… erm… pissing on their wall.
Being drunk doesn’t excite me. I’m of the legal age, I can drink whenever I want. I never saw the point of being drunk anyway. You act stupid until you vomit and pass out, then wake up with a headache. Totally killer dude. I’d rather be high. Better feeling with no after effects. (But I’m not endorsing either. Just pointing out drinking is anyway the worst form to get those effects.) I got drunk on Purim once, in yeshiva the first year we managed to get a keg. We started drinking right after the fast ended and we didn’t get much from the yeshiva to break the fast on so I was drinking on an empty stomach. I told some embarrassing secrets about my childhood to someone, danced like crazy at the chagigah, then decided to go to bed. As soon as I lay down my head started spinning, I began to vomit all over my roomates stuff. Then finished in the bathroom, and suddenly got diarrhea. So there I am, drunk, with what I’ve eaten coming out of one end and what I’ve drunk coming out of the other. So as not to get them dirty I took my clothes off, then decided to catch some fresh air. And… yup.
I know who really does enjoy Purim: Yeshiva people. From Rosh Chodesh they begin. You see, Purim is the one time of the year they can stop learning, legally. Seders become shorter and shorter as everyone “prepares” for Purim. Then on Purim itself, they can legally be drunk and sloppy, just like I suspect they wish they could be more often. For once a year they get to be frivolous, and they live for it. They even get to ignore halacha. See, there’s only a mitzvah on Purim to drink wine and get drunk off of wine… tell that to the bochur with the five flavors of Absolut.
Those of us who can do what we want because we decide our own lives, find this less interesting. And I hear its a nightmare for the girls. Besides the fact the men are drinking while you serve food, they have to endure sanctioned sexism and comeons. I remember when I was in Israel the sems would lock up the outside gate all day Purim. I remember a friend having to escort his sister home through the crowds of drunk bochrim and teenagers in Har Nof. I remember being thirteen watching the Rosh Yeshivas seventeen year old son crying in the bathroom because he went over to a girl and tried to explain how much he liked her. (This was at a yeshiva purim party with the women behind a mechitza peeking in at the dancing.) I believe the first two points basically indicate that the frum world expects their men and boys to become rapists when they’re drunk and the knowledge that everyone else is drunk and won’t judge their actions.
Totally killer, dude.