So what are you looking for? (nu?)

Ah, that wonderful question. You’re a nice young man of marriageable age. What type of girl are you looking for.

I never have a good answer to that. Do I use the common list of adjectives? “well I just want a girl who is nice, kind with good middos…” Oh goody, I just described how every girl and their yentas describe themselves. I’m not looking for some type of girl. I’m looking for the girl who fits best with me. I don’t know how to describe her. I’m looking for an individual, not an employee who ticks the boxes on my checklist of attributes. Nevermind the fact that all girls are described the same… “pretty, kind, smart with lovely middos”.

Truth be told, the way I feel and the way I would see it happening is pretty well described in the NOFX song We Got Two Jealous Agains”

“I thought you were the one when I heard Holidays in the Sun come from your bedroom / But when I saw Christ on Parade. And this is Boston, not LA. I knew you were the one. / I knew you were for me when I saw the first Vandals EP / I knew you were the one when I saw Machine Gun Etiquette. I knew you were the one when I saw the Peace War comp.”

I guess it’s about finding the person who shares your quirks and idiosyncrasies… or is at least willing to put up with them.

Song of the post:

3 Responses to “So what are you looking for? (nu?)”

  1. hey. good blog!

    I know how you feel. people ask me what I’m looking for, and I feel like what I want would come out as a list anyway…and how many guys AREN”T described as “smart, kind, ambitious, does chesed, learns x amount…?” I feel like whatever I would answer wouldn’t narrow down the search anyway.

  2. a little late commenting, but…

    I know, when people ask me, I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I say I want a mensch before I mention a learner, then obviously I don’t want a learner. But if I say a learner, than I’m just some dumb naive girl ho wears rose colored glasses….but in my head, that not to the answer to the question either way…so I usually dodge the question, and talk about something else, like “oooh, you’re SAS shoes look so comfortable!”

  3. i think its easier for a girl to describe what SHE wants (at least hashkafikly) cuz she can just say i want him to learn ____ times a week, daven ____ times a day with/without a minyan, wear/not wear a black hat, have gone to this type of yeshiva etc. and that usually sums up the “type” of guy he is. who DOESNT want a smart, nice, funny, goodlooking, good middos, sweet girl or guy?! i never even use those words when i describe what i want. like whats someone going to say- so hes everything u described, but im really sorry- hes just not a nice guy.

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