Changing Priorities
I originally posted this as a comment to Material Maidels post, but I’ve decided to bring it to my own audience.
Its interesting how worries take a 360° turn based on age. A few years ago my mothers worries were that I might being going out to meet girls. Now shes worried that I’m not going out to meet girls. I also think its a point on how marriage is not based on personal level and maturity, but rather the communities standard ages, when its decided that some things are socially right, they suddenly become permitted when they were forbidden yesterday.
Either way its humorous.
A Frum Punk 
November 2, 2008 at 12:07 am
It’s so funny cause I was actually just thinking about this over shabbos.
I was talking to some neighbors, a brother and sister that were 15 and 16 and they were talking about how their mother doesn’t want them to be hanging out and stuff. They were talking how some boys talk to girls and stuff. I was remember the days in HS when I never knew if I was allowed to say Good Shabbos or Hello to a guy. It was like we all ignored each other. Now it just becomes so different. I’m so thankful for going to a mixed college, where talking to the opposite gender isn’t a big deal, and it’s just talking to another person. Although I still find myself ignoring the Yeshivish guys and talking to the modern guys more.
It’s hard to adjust to the fact that before I couldn’t look or talk to guys, and now I’m supposed to actually look at them and see if I find one that is suitable.
November 2, 2008 at 1:51 am
very well said. I have thought about it a lot and yes quite humorous. For a girl its harder on them to make the transition. They go from 1 year of not allowed to the next year allowed E.g. 17 than 18.
November 2, 2008 at 5:39 am
“I also think its a point on how marriage is not based on personal level and maturity, but rather the communities standard ages”
basically theres a lot of verrrry immature ppl who are not ready to get married, in shidduchim because thats what society tells them to do. so sad.
also, another thing i find funny (and by funny, i mean weird), is that when ppl get married, all of a sudden its even MORE ok for them to talk to the opposite sex. when ur in shidduchim, u talk to a guy/girl on a date and u basically only talk to guys/girls that ur dating. then after marriage, right away you have 10 boys over for a shabbos meal or talk to all ur wives friends casually. its like okaaaay 5 minutes ago this wasnt ok, but now that im married, it is? i dont get why thats all of a sudden allowed. sometimes i think it gets too comfortable and becomes really inappropriate.
oh and especially when couples get together to hang out. sometimes that gets verrrrrrrrrrrrrry inappropriate.
of course i want my hubby to be normal with my friends, but theres got to be a line somewhere.
also, how did u make that little degrees sign? thats cool
November 2, 2008 at 12:55 pm
it’s not just that you’re never allowed to talk to members of the opposite gender, and then suddenly, it’s ok to talk or hang out with anyone you please. some married couples don’t hang out in couples for the reasons you mentioned-it can still be inappropriate, just because you’re married. i don’t think that the day you turn 18 is suddenly the magical time when *poof* you gotta go talk to guys. most girls are NOT ready to start dating yet at 18
November 2, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I wrote a response, in response to your response on my site!
Enjoy!
http://materialmaidel.blogspot.com/2008/11/are-charedi-girls-raped.html
November 3, 2008 at 6:31 pm
You wrote: “A few years ago my mothers worries were that I might being going out to meet girls. Now shes worried that I’m not going out to meet girls.”
This is something I can’t understand at all. Since I’m a convert and my mother is uber-Catholic, I think she’s more terrified that I finally WILL bring someone home.
But when I first converted, I had a few friends chomping at the bit to fix me up, and I was very freaked. I felt like…”I’m still not sure I know what I’m doing, and you want me to subject another person to this…why?” Because I was a little older when I went through my conversion (at the ripe old age of 23), my friends felt like I had no time left. It was unsettling.
November 3, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Maidel: So should I respond to your response to my response in my responding section or yours? I’ll do it on yours.
sss: Well you don’t have a Jewish mother so you don’t have the right viewpoint. Jewish mothers raise their kids until their 20’s then they need to mother someone else so they demand grandkids. Someday you’ll (be’h) be a Jewish mother, so you’ll understand then.
November 3, 2008 at 6:54 pm
With Hashem’s help, when it happens, I’ll keep that in mind. 🙂
I feel like a Hebraic Pinocchio whenever I’m totally in the dark about situations (like this) .
“One day…I’ll be a real Jew”… *giggles*.
Cheers.
November 4, 2008 at 12:48 am
Ah, this is all part of why I think that the system is backwards.